I know Kylie Jenner got roasted for “realizing stuff” but sometimes, you really do just be realizing stuff.
Here’s what I realized: You don’t have to have a good reason to do anything.
At a traffic stop, you have the right to deny search and seizure. It doesn’t matter if someone says, “Well, if you didn’t have anything to hide, you’d just let us search.”
Sure. IF IT WASN’T YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT???
You have the right and you’re using it. The end.
The same applies to relationships — romantic, platonic, professional. If you consistently feel worse after interacting with someone, you are allowed to end it.
Even if nothing happened. Even if you’re being dramatic. Even if “on paper,” everything is fine.
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Who is this for? (And who it’s not)
I know you know someone who always cuts people off and their life is shit because they do that.
Well, this message is for people who never cut people off and their life is shit because they do that, okay? Lmao.
Sentiments you’ve probably heard and internalized: “Oh you’re so sensitive,” “they didn’t mean it like that,” or “that’s just their humor.”
That’s great. It doesn’t change the fact that you feel like shit.
“Facts over feelings,” they say. But, sometimes it is feelings over facts. Or rather, feelings are facts.
The label by which you call a feeling is data and data equals facts so it is a fact that they feel this way. And even if the math isn’t adding up to you, the answer is the answer.
You feel like crap. Let’s start there.
Feelings ARE Facts
Fear is an emotion. That’s how we survived. We were scared as fuck and ran like hell.
It’s logical to want to live but emotion is what kept us alive!
Also, if these facts-over-feelings people really didn’t care, then they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to get you to stop feeling the way you feel.
It’s illogical because it’s a waste of time and energy. You being “dramatic” is actually not relevant.
Your feelings being “wrong” only matters when the other person can’t face their own. What they’re actually doing is trying to deflect their own anxiety and fear of rejection and abandonment by turning the spotlight onto you.
I know people who actually don’t care and are truly “more logical,” which by the way, I don’t think exists unless you’ve had an actual diagnosis by a professional.
Truly more-logical people take into consideration the others’ feelings as a data point and navigate the social situation in a way where the other person ends up happy, or at the very least, not distressed.
They don’t need an apology because they don’t feel wronged when you express your emotions.
They truly don’t care. But, don’t let that confuse you with a lack of empathy!
They really don’t feel any type of way, so whatever it takes to make you feel better, they’re going to try do that because it costs them nothing emotionally and it makes life easier for everyone.
It’s actually irrational to shut you down because it’s so much more work to scream and yell about something that is human.
That’s why the fake facts-over-feelings people always have drama in their life!
Outgrowing a Friendship
For the past year, I’ve noticed that I feel worse after spending time with a friend of mine. On paper, nothing has changed; she’s the same; her jokes are the same.
However, something shifted.
What used to feel like playful teasing that I took as attempts to be signify closeness now feels like digs; as if she secretly hates me.
Anytime I gassed myself up, there was what felt like a joke that was supposed to disguise her disdain.
I’ve felt this way for over a year. I’ve tried brushing it off and even leaning more into spending time with her to “get over it” but I just ended up with more pain.
So, I cut it off. I don’t reach out. I don’t text back. And, I don’t plan on bringing it up to her, which some might see as unfair.
But, I truly have no motivation or desire to get things back to the way things were because:
- I’m not sure what that even is exactly because I’m not exactly sure what’s even different.
- I’m not holding anyone’s hand to teach them how to treat me.
Maybe I’m a bad friend. Which in that case, she should be happy! Why should she have a bad friend, too?
You Don’t Have to Justify Your Exit
I used to think you had to justify leaving. That you had to debate your discomfort. That you owed people an explanation convincing enough for them to agree with your boundary.
I don’t believe that anymore. I’d rather be selfish than self-abandoning.
If someone truly believes I’m terrible for quietly stepping back, they’re free to feel that way.
Better question: Why are they trying so hard to keep someone who doesn’t want to be here around?
For real, I’m just walking away.
We’re not fighting. We’ve just changed for some reason… and I feel amazing after making this decision.
Because I really tried, you guys.
While I do feel a little bad about it, like “ugh, we had such good times…” but I’ve tried holding on for a whole year and felt worse every step I took towards her.
I can’t go on any longer because it’s my life! It’s always going to be too short.
If you’ve outgrown something, then you don’t need a catastrophic event to justify the end.
You can trust your gut. You can choose peace over proving a point. You can decide that that small feeling is reason enough.
Follow your gut. It’s a lot smarter than your brain gives it credit for.
Conclusion
Be the bad person because your definition of bad is like… if everyone was as bad as this, it’d be a pretty good place!
